I used to have so many insecurities. In fact, my beauty seemed to be to me more of a burden than a blessing, since people would just label me and judge me for my looks. I used to feel that I had to prove myself in front of others in order they see that I am much more than my looks…and most of the times I was failing, because deep down inside I had myself this ingrained belief that my looks is my greatest asset. I also have suffered lots of abuse and all those people that have abused me almost ALMOST convinced me that I am not worthy of a better treatment. So I would always repeat the same patterns over and over again, always feeling attracted to people that didn’t appreciate me, people that would keep abusing me or neglecting me or just not care about me. I would desperately try to convince them that I was worthy of their love, when in fact the only convincing I had to do was to convince myself that I was WORTHY and LOVABLE. All I had to do was to convince myself that I deserved to be treated right, not be lied to, not be cheated on, not be physically or emotionally abused, and so on. I was giving them so much love, but I was failing to give the same love to myself…so the love that I was giving to them wasn’t real unc onditional love, it was more of a needy, clingy, desperate love.  I had this unhealthy belief in me that without those people my life wouldn’t be complete. I was lacking so much self-esteem that I would base my happiness on another person…which is totally illusion. Nobody else than yourself can make yourself happy ! Happiness is a state of being, it has nothing to do with other people or other external circumstances. By hoping that the external world will make us happy, we become very weak and disempowered. And in time we loose our self-esteem. That’s what happened to me, when the people I have interacted with were treating me the way they did, I thought that something must be wrong with me…when in truth there was nothing wrong with me. I just had this belief in me that I didn’t deserve more, and that’s why the Universe would bring in my life people that reinforce this unhealthy inner belief I had. The truth is that there is an ocean full with fish out there, once you take out your glasses colored by your distorted perceptions about life, you will be able to meet the kind of people that you wish to meet. Hey, they might be right around the corner and you might have bumped into them several times without even noticing them, because your colored glasses couldn’t observe their color frequency. The reality that we see is the reality that we believe in….so in order to change your life, you should work on identifying and changing the distorted perceptions about reality which have shaped your life till this point. No matter how hard it is to acknowledge it, you ARE responsible for what you are experiencing. If somebody neglects you then that’s just the way of the Universe showing you that you are neglecting yourself. If somebody cheats on you or lies to you, then that’s another unhealthy belief telling you that you live in a competitive world where you have to “fight” for your man with another rival woman. The truth is, you don’t have to fight for anybody, whatever you BELIEVE you DESERVE easily enters your life. Fighting and controlling is only ego’s way to keep itself busy. Ego is the one that makes you think that you are not worthy or undeserving, and ego is the same that gets infuriated when you experience bad treatment and so messes you up even more. Until you calm down your mind, your ego will keep provoking wars betwen iteself and itself within you creating havoc and drama in your life. It is all ego.

If somebody fails to see your awesomeness to the point that he would cheat on you and go to another woman, then then a relationship with them is not healthy to pursue…do you really want to give your power away to such a person ? Unfortunately I did that…all, ABSOLUTELY ALL men (except my charming Prince Ari) that I used to feel attracted to before, would always end up cheating, were involved already, or were “courted” by other girls whom I perceived as a threat, or would just use me as a rebound between splitting and getting back together with their girlfriends. So there was always another woman involved in the whole scheme of things.  I used to be so jealous and would try so hard to make them choose me instead…but how could they do that since I wasn’t choosing myself ? If I had a tiny amount of love for myself, I would have never put myself in such a situation of having to “compete” with another woman in the first place.

I used to wonder why I end up in such situations over and over again…and analyzed my current life to the smallest detail and still couldn’t find the answer. And then out of the blue, I remembered the incident which created this whole self-destructive array of patterns. It was a memory from Atlantis which almost crushed me…I remembered it two days before 11 11 11. In Atlantis I was cheated by the man I loved most with my best friend and then I was killed by him. Since I was a  high priestess with access to very important knowledge, he, a Belial follower, had to get into my bed and deceive me and manipulate me in order to get the information that they needed. She was also part of the conspiracy. Once I found out he killed me because he was too worried that I would expose the whole conspiracy they were involved in.

This betrayal made my soul very restless and over and innumerable number of lives I have been trying to convince his soul and souls like his that I was worthy of love, that I deserved to be treated right….The huge trauma of this betrayal literally made a piece of my soul leave my being, so I had to do a serious soul retrieval ceremony on 11 11 11 becoming whole again. I had to take my power back.

He despised me for being weak and for believing him, and I ended up despising myself for the same reasons. My wil had totally crushed and all my power went to this man. I met him again in this life, and she is also in his life now and I didn’t have any relationship with her in this life (other than energetic), but I DID recognize her as soon as I saw her…I knew there was heavy karma involved but at that time I didn’t have any remembrance of it…and I was too attracted to him anyway to give much thought to where I know her from. You see, where there’s a heavy karma between people, there is also a lot of attraction between them…the attraction is there in order they come together and trigger each other and solve their karma. If the karma gets solved there is no more attraction factor between them and once that happens we start welcoming in our lives people with a different vibration.

The killing….The funny part is that when killing me, exposing them was the last thing that was in my mind. I was just in such huge shock and state of disbelief that someone I loved so much could do this to me…that I totally failed to remember my duty towards the priesthood. He got me weakened to such a point that my personal drama overrun my sacred mission. And the guilt and shame that I have been feeling all these lives is rooted here…that I allowed a personal matter to cloud my mind to such extent that I did contribute (unknowingly) to the demise of our priesthood. That’s why I I have felt so very angry with myself so many times for falling in love because I would perceive this falling in love as a weakness and loss of identity (since I had lost my wholeness due to his  and her betrayal)…and I would feel so much shame and guilt for not being able to resist this unhealthy attraction towards such men either. When around me were wonderful, kind, tender-hearted souls, I would totally ignore them and despise them for their “weakness” of loving me (because they would trigger the shame of being weakened by my love for him) and would always prefer the ones that would abuse me, cheat on me, lie to me, manipulate me, use me, etc.

Before remembering the killing scene, for months I used to have this pain in the right side of my chest…and didn’t know why. That was the place where his weapon hit me. He did it from the back, he didn’t have the guts to do it while seeing my eyes…and he didn’t touch a vital organ so I died because of heavy bleeding. I bleed for hours replaying the events in my mind over and over again..huge emotional and physical agony…and that’s when that piece of my soul had left my body. The pain was just too unbearable. It was just too unbearable for me to know that the man I loved most and TRUSTED cared so little about me that he killed me from the back. It was unbearable for me the thought that he and her cheated on me, that it was all a lie.

Funny is that once I have remembered all this, the pain in the right side of my body just dissapeared like magic.

By remembering all this, my soul has finally found closure and it became whole again. A soul is restless until closure is attained. That’s why it is so important to listen to our inner guidance, to understand what is the Universe trying to tell us by sending certain people in our lives. Those people only reflect aspects of our beings that need healing, as well as old incidents which need closure. Meditation is SO IMPORTANT, when you go to the stillness within you hear the mesage of your soul instead of hearing the messages of your ego.

So you see, this whole pattern of falling for emotionally unavailable men as well as this jealousy and competitivity towards women was all rooted in this past Atlantean trauma. My fear of rejection, of abandonment, of being manipulated or lied to comes from there. All these unhealthy emotions are based on fear and I refused for many lives to face my fears and so reshape the effects caused by this wound. A fear that is not aknowledget only grows and the more we refuse to face the pattern the harder it gets over time.

Once you find the root of a pattern, aknowledge it and take your power back ! Do a soul retrieval ceremony (or several of them) and forgive forgive forgive ! Forgiveness ONLY will dissolve the psychic ties between you and those with whom you have karma..beause no matter how many cord cutting ceremonies you do, the cords will keep reataching if you don’t really shift within and forgive and come to a place of wholeness and acceptance and peace. As long as there is a little of the wound left, that wound will keep attracting the same type of people in your life. So by all means, keep doing as many cord cutting ceremonies as you feel like, but also WORK HARD on forgiving them and forgiving YOURSELF for complying in such sittutations.

What have I learned from all of this ?

I have learned that love doesn’t equal putting oneself in an abusive sittuation or being a doormat. We have to love unconditionally ourselves first in order to be able to love others the same way. If we keep putting up with someone’s abuse, then we prove that we don’t love ourselves enough to remove ourselves from harm’s way.

Unconditional love equals a loving attitude towards everybody that we encounter ~ those that try to harm us, as well as those that do respect us. We can be loving and FIRM with the ones that try to harm us, and it is perfectly acceptable to set up healthy boundaries around ourselves and allow only souls that resonate at the same level of love in our inner circle. And that’s because we have a duty towards ourselves FIRST. The way we react in each encounter we have with another being will reflect the level of our spiritual maturity and the way we treat ourselves is a sign of the same level of spiritual maturity.

Truly, turning the other cheek is not a sign of weakness…it doesn’t imply that you accept another one to keep harming you. NO ! Turning the other cheek equals being so strong in one’s power and so KNOWING of one’s strength, magnificence and Divine identity, that NOTHING from the outer could disturb one from his/her centre of peaceful stillness. When you truly know who you are, nothing can affect you, you don’t have to prove it, you don’t talk about it because you ARE IT. That’s what turning the other cheek is: You are so EMPOWERED and KNOW who you truly are, that you remain totally undisturbed by what other people think of you or do to you..and you love them unconditionally either they love you or not because you don’t need their love or validation to KNOW who you truly ARE.

The ones that think are victims, are actually disempowered human beings because they allow others to define/influence their state of being. As long as one perceives himself/herself as a victim, he/she will keep being bonded to his/her perceived abusers.

Truly, all this pain is an illusion…it is all misused energy which has to find closure. As long as I believe it is real I give power to it. In the great scheme of things, love is the only one authentic and the only one that matters But in order to be able to experience that love that we ARE, we have to face first who we are not, for we cannot change what we are not aware of. Once we do that, we bring closure to this illusion and our souls stop being restless and finally return to their state of wholeness  ;) ♥ ♥ ♥

Much love from my heart to yours,

Cristina

“There is only one perpetrator of evil on the planet: human consciousness. That realization is true forgiveness. With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves, and your true power emerges – the power of Presence. Instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light.”

Eckhart Tolle (A NEW EARTH)